Spinning faster...

 Sunday, January 9, 2011

As I am reaching the mid-way point of this pregnancy and the end of a second deployment nears; I am hear to be open and honest with you about the mini-crisis I have been going through. Until recently I had been scared to share this for fear of people thinking me a psycho, but I think sometimes God calls us to share our trials in order to help others. So I'm here to share.

Let me just put it all out there on the table for you and then we can backtrack and I can elaborate okay?

I am worried scared terrified of things changing between the Mr. and myself once our little girl arrives.

When I say terrified I don't just mean sort of concerned, I mean bawling my eyes out worried. Now we should also probably all keep in mind that I am pregnant and my hormones aren't what they use to be. Bawling for me does come a bit easier in some cases now. I wouldn't say I'm a crier by a long shot, but I do cry more easily now especially when it comes to babies.

Now for the backtracking. I'm not worried that my husband is going to find me hideous and leave me for some younger woman (he'd have a hard time doing that legally anyway because I'm only 21. haha!!). I already have no doubt he finds me attractive, bedhead, glasses, bump, and all. He always makes me show him my bump live on Skype and proceeds to tell me how great I look, or how much he loves the bump. Heck, he finds it sexy because it is his baby. (His words). I'm confident there. I don't find myself hot with a bump, but I wasn't really one of the "I'm so hot" sort of people before the bump either. As long as he finds me beautiful and tells me that. I'm a-okay.

So what am I worried about? Well, losing my best friend. Obviously. Or not so obviously?

I don't know if I've made it clear to you all or not, but my honest to goodness best friend is my husband. I have other friends that I do love. Best girl friends. BUT, they don't even come close to him. This is the man I laugh with, cry with, have been on the bottom of the barrel with. This is the man, the person, who can make me smile through everything. If I had to wake up in jail with someone, I'd want it to be him. (Or maybe not, because I'd want him to bail me out?) I have my most fun with him, even doing nothing.  Yeah, he is my husband. Yeah, he is the love of my life. But, at the end of it all, the big deal is he is my BEST FRIEND. I don't want that to change.

I don't want things to get too serious. I don't want to be so absorbed in my daughter that I forget about him, or him think I have forgotten about him. I don't want us to just be room mates for the next 18+ years while we raise children only to wake up one day staring at each other across the room wondering what happened. I don't want to end up with an empty shell of a marriage.

After talking to a few new moms, praying, and of course talking to my husband I am starting to feel better. I still have my waves of worry, but I talk myself down or pray about it and I'm okay. I'm a work in progress.

I don't want to get all biblical on you, or what not. I'm sure I do that to you all enough. I also don't want to do the whole  "I serve my husband, but I'm not a door mat"  conversation tonight, so just let me say this and you can take it for how you want. But try to keep in mind what you already know about me before you judge.

This seems to be what Brian and I have come up with. What will work for us.

My husband is, and always will be, my number one. I will, and always will be, his number one. I know some of you are gasping right now. You are thinking what a horrible mom I am to even think that my husband could be #1 while I'm carrying a child/have a child. Well I'm not.

My husband was here before we conceived this wonderful blessing, and he will still be here when she is married (ahh!) and has a child of her own. I can't put him on the back burner now and expect things to be the same then. He can't do that to me either. Our relationship has to come first. If we are happy and have a relationship that continues to flourish then that means we can be better parents who have more love to give abundantly to our daughter and other (future) children. I love this little girl than I ever thought possible, and I know that love with continue to grow. That however doesn't change how in love I am with her father, and how much that continues to grow everyday.

To assume things won't change at all when you add another person to your family in naive. I know things will change. If they didn't something would be wrong. To think that all change has to be for the worse is also naive. In a solid, loving relationship, change can be for the better if you don't lose sight of what is important.

I vow to never stop laughing with my husband. To never let things get too serious. I vow to always make sure he knows he is my #1 and the love of my life.

"give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus." 1Thess 5:18
Until tomorrow. If you're still there.


Laura86 January 9, 2011 at 8:20 PM  

What an inspiring blog post! Very well written, Morgan. If I could take myself back to the days leading up to Wyatt's birth I could not have stated it better myself. I believe that every God-centered marriage should be just like this. Without structure like this in a family/marriage then it surely will crumble.

Kasey January 9, 2011 at 8:26 PM  

Morgan, not to put down your opinions in any way because that is NOT at all what I am doing. But I want to tell you to keep an open mind when it comes to your husband being your number one. Stuart and I seem to have similar relationship to you and Brian. We have been together forever and I can say without a doubt that he is my very best friend.

I always swore that he would always be numero uno in my life. However, when Charlie was born all of that literally changed. There are not adequate feelings to express how you will feel when you are holding your child and they do become number one. I love my husband, but nothing can ever compete with my love for my children. And my husband knows that. And it is a feeling he shares. And by sharing those feelings, I feel like we can have stronger relationship because we have the same goals- to raise our children in a loving environment and to provide them what they need. We are incredibly close as a family and I LOVE that. And yes, our relationship has changed, but in a VERY good way.

Unfortunately, some sacrifices have to be made in a relationship with the husband when the children come along. However, when the couple truly loves each other, they will always make it work and grow from it. Don't think of it as putting things on a back burner, think of it as changing how you do things, LOL.

Courtney January 9, 2011 at 9:21 PM  

Yep, things are going to change, but not for the bad. A baby throws such a loop into things, that if things stay the same, ... well, I just can't even imagine it. This is a new journey that both of you are going to go on, and I promise you,... if you show an obscene amount of love for your child and somewhat neglect your husband, he will likely understand. I happen to think that daddys like having wives that dote over their children. He has probably always seen a maternal spark in you and that is probably a big reason as to why he loves you. I have never met a man who loved his wife less because she was too good of a mother. Magazines and books always say, don't neglect your husband, but in my opinion, a good daddy and one who isn't selfish won't see it as neglect. You're taking care of HIS offspring. Having said that... yeah, don't let the friendship go... don't start being rude to him because he's not changing as many dirty diapers as you. haha. But, I don't see you doing that anyway. If you have this strong relationship now, you don't have to worry. Just go with the flow and enjoy the ride. :)

amandajolyn January 10, 2011 at 6:28 PM  

That's amazing! When my DH and I went through pre marital counseling this was something we talked a lot about. Like you my hubby is my best friend. I believe in creating a balance. It's not like you're saying you're going to ignore your child to pay attention to your husband. You're saying that your husband will still be a priority in your life and you're going to actively participate in keeping your marriage solid! Your baby is an extension of both of you and she will bring you closer together and take your relationship to the next level!

Teenage Bride January 11, 2011 at 9:52 AM  

I am terrified to and I am so happy that you posted this. I did a post not to long ago along the same lines. My husband openly talk about these fears and I think it helps to be on the same page.

Cort,  January 12, 2011 at 4:52 PM  

I know we haven't talked in FOREVER but I cannot begin to tell you how thrilled I am for you to be having a girl! As far as the subject at hand, it is definitely a balance, on days when your little girl needs her mommy she will be #1 but I definitely agree that you guys have to make time for each other, even if that means putting the baby to bed early or watching a movie and eating popcorn mid-day while she naps. You're going to rock motherhood and I know from the talks we did have how bad you wanted this. Your husband is liable to be that same way as a daddy!

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