Saturday, January 22, 2011

I have been praying very hard for someone that I love the most recently. I had been praying they would feel the desire to seek Him and have a thirst for God. This person is really battling some inner demons, or maybe it really is Satan. It breaks my heart to know this AMAZING person, feels almost as though they have done to much bad to be forgiven by God. I didn't know until very recently this person I love so much felt this way, so I have made it my mission to show them just how wrong they are. My desire is to show, and prove to them that they are already forgiven if they simply ask. 

What an awesome thing right? Ask and you shall receive. It seems almost too easy in a world where we are use to fighting for just about everything, especially forgiveness. It seems like our flesh wants to hold a grudge. We like to bring up the past and throw it all on the table every time we get in an argument with our loved ones. The wonderful thing is God doesn't do that. There is no need for us to constantly pray to be forgiven for something. Every time we ask we are forgiven. God doesn't hold a grudge. He doesn't bring up every past bad decision to determine if we are worthy of forgiveness this time. He loves us that much. Crazy. 

So while I've been on this mission to show this person Christ's love for us I have compiled a list of scripture to share with them that proves this undying love for us. I know there are many more out there, and I'm on the hunt for them, but this is what I have and I want to share them with you incase anyone out there is in need of a reminder.

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28

"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds" Psalm 147:3

"This righteousness is given through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference between Jew and Gentile, for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and all are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus." Romans 3:22-24

"But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved." Ephesians 2:4-5

"But the LORD said to Samuel, “Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.” 1 Samuel 16:7

"Jesus replied, “Very truly I tell you, everyone who sins is a slave to sin.  Now a slave has no permanent place in the family, but a son belongs to it forever. So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed." John 8:34-36

 Have you ever felt too 'bad' to be forgiven? What would you say to someone who felt that way? Do you have any scriptures to share?

Until tomorrow. If you're still there.


Deep Sigh...

 Thursday, January 13, 2011

After my last post and the overwhelming amount of support I got from you all and others, it felt like a weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. Sometimes just knowing your are in the same boat is someone else makes the sea sickness not so bad. :) So, thank you.

I really wish I had some awesome subject to mesmerize you all with, but I don't. Bummer right? I seem to really be lacking inspiration.

Last night I finished up my first 14 day Bible reading 'course'. I received a new study Bible for Christmas, and inside it has different lists of readings to follow. Eventually I plan on following the one that has you complete the whole Bible in I think its a year, or something. For now, I feel very accomplished for sticking to it. This first course was over the life and teachings of Jesus, so a Gospel chapter from one of the four Gospels a night. It was really awesome to be able to refresh my memory on the stories of Christ and once again be in awe of His majesty. Tonight I will start 14 days on the teachings of Paul. I pray these next 14 days will leave me hungry for more. I have faith they will.

Do any of you read the Bible on a regular basis? Do you follow a plan, or read cover to cover?

Now I am off to continue my internet search for the perfect glider/recliner for our little girls nursery. I either want something solid black or a black graphic print. This seems to be a much tougher task than I ever thought it would be, and forget adding 'something with nice lines' to the criteria. Oy Vey!

Until tomorrow. If you're still there.


Spinning faster...

 Sunday, January 9, 2011

As I am reaching the mid-way point of this pregnancy and the end of a second deployment nears; I am hear to be open and honest with you about the mini-crisis I have been going through. Until recently I had been scared to share this for fear of people thinking me a psycho, but I think sometimes God calls us to share our trials in order to help others. So I'm here to share.

Let me just put it all out there on the table for you and then we can backtrack and I can elaborate okay?

I am worried scared terrified of things changing between the Mr. and myself once our little girl arrives.

When I say terrified I don't just mean sort of concerned, I mean bawling my eyes out worried. Now we should also probably all keep in mind that I am pregnant and my hormones aren't what they use to be. Bawling for me does come a bit easier in some cases now. I wouldn't say I'm a crier by a long shot, but I do cry more easily now especially when it comes to babies.

Now for the backtracking. I'm not worried that my husband is going to find me hideous and leave me for some younger woman (he'd have a hard time doing that legally anyway because I'm only 21. haha!!). I already have no doubt he finds me attractive, bedhead, glasses, bump, and all. He always makes me show him my bump live on Skype and proceeds to tell me how great I look, or how much he loves the bump. Heck, he finds it sexy because it is his baby. (His words). I'm confident there. I don't find myself hot with a bump, but I wasn't really one of the "I'm so hot" sort of people before the bump either. As long as he finds me beautiful and tells me that. I'm a-okay.

So what am I worried about? Well, losing my best friend. Obviously. Or not so obviously?

I don't know if I've made it clear to you all or not, but my honest to goodness best friend is my husband. I have other friends that I do love. Best girl friends. BUT, they don't even come close to him. This is the man I laugh with, cry with, have been on the bottom of the barrel with. This is the man, the person, who can make me smile through everything. If I had to wake up in jail with someone, I'd want it to be him. (Or maybe not, because I'd want him to bail me out?) I have my most fun with him, even doing nothing.  Yeah, he is my husband. Yeah, he is the love of my life. But, at the end of it all, the big deal is he is my BEST FRIEND. I don't want that to change.

I don't want things to get too serious. I don't want to be so absorbed in my daughter that I forget about him, or him think I have forgotten about him. I don't want us to just be room mates for the next 18+ years while we raise children only to wake up one day staring at each other across the room wondering what happened. I don't want to end up with an empty shell of a marriage.

After talking to a few new moms, praying, and of course talking to my husband I am starting to feel better. I still have my waves of worry, but I talk myself down or pray about it and I'm okay. I'm a work in progress.

I don't want to get all biblical on you, or what not. I'm sure I do that to you all enough. I also don't want to do the whole  "I serve my husband, but I'm not a door mat"  conversation tonight, so just let me say this and you can take it for how you want. But try to keep in mind what you already know about me before you judge.

This seems to be what Brian and I have come up with. What will work for us.

My husband is, and always will be, my number one. I will, and always will be, his number one. I know some of you are gasping right now. You are thinking what a horrible mom I am to even think that my husband could be #1 while I'm carrying a child/have a child. Well I'm not.

My husband was here before we conceived this wonderful blessing, and he will still be here when she is married (ahh!) and has a child of her own. I can't put him on the back burner now and expect things to be the same then. He can't do that to me either. Our relationship has to come first. If we are happy and have a relationship that continues to flourish then that means we can be better parents who have more love to give abundantly to our daughter and other (future) children. I love this little girl than I ever thought possible, and I know that love with continue to grow. That however doesn't change how in love I am with her father, and how much that continues to grow everyday.

To assume things won't change at all when you add another person to your family in naive. I know things will change. If they didn't something would be wrong. To think that all change has to be for the worse is also naive. In a solid, loving relationship, change can be for the better if you don't lose sight of what is important.

I vow to never stop laughing with my husband. To never let things get too serious. I vow to always make sure he knows he is my #1 and the love of my life.

"give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus." 1Thess 5:18
Until tomorrow. If you're still there.


Good things...

 Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Between last night and today I realized several good things. I'm in a good mood, so I thought I'd share.

#1- Last night I saw the previews for a few movies that I thought looked interesting. I was very thrilled when I realized that my husband would be HOME to see them IN theaters. Yes! Now the fact that we normally don't even make it to the movie part of our "dinner and a movie" date night because we are losers and just want to go home is neither here nor there. The fact that if we wanted to see one of these movies in theaters, we'd be able to! I'm pumped!

#2- It finally hit me that God does answer prayers. Yeah, really. I've been sharing my spiritual journey with you all recently, and it might be odd for me to say that its taken me 21 years and 7 months to say I truly have seen God answer prayers. I have been working very hard since my last post about prayers to remember to say mine every single day. I have prayed for more people that I can count, and recently I have seen several of my prayers answered. Talk about AWESOME. I am the first to admit to being poor in spirit in my past, and even in my present some days, but wow. Seeing answered prayers with my own eyes is beyond words. Such a renewal of spirit and faith.

#3- I am very excited to see my husband run in his first half marathon on April 2nd! I just found out yesterday night that he is running in one with a few of his buddies from his unit who are in Afghanistan with him. I will admit, I was sort of bummed at first because I had all of these plans of he and I running our first race together. Heck, I'm still bummed I'm not allowed to run right now period, but I am pumped for my husband! Running is not anything he use to be interested in as a hobby. It was something he had to do for work so he did. In the past several months he has fallen in love with it and I'm super stoked about it! I can't wait to see him cross that finish line, and to one day know I'll be crossing it with him! I love that we will have yet another 'thing' that we can and will do together.

#4- I realized today that this was the first year in many years I didn't make a 'New Years Resolution' to lose weight or change my body. I couldn't be happier about that. I know you might be saying, "well your pregnant....blah blah blah." I guess I should elaborate by saying that even if I weren't pregnant, for once weight loss would not be a resolution. I am finally happy with me. I'd LOVE to lose 20 more pounds once I have Rafi, but if I don't I'm Okay with that. =)

I am already so happy about what the first 4 days of 2011 have brought me, and can't wait to see what the rest of the year has in store.


Oh my...

 Monday, January 3, 2011

Well it has obviously been awhile since I posted here. Lots has happened since my last post.

Christmas came and went, yay! Don't get me wrong it was a wonderful time with family, and my sweet little family seemed to rack up on lovely gifts. BUT, I just wanted to get through it so the New Year could arrive. Which it has. We are now on day three of 2011 and I couldn't be more thrilled. You all should know why I've been waiting for 2011, but if you don't, I'll tell you. My husband comes home this year! In mere weeks! Saying I'm excited would be an understatement.

Rak (my Lab) and I came back home from Texas the Monday after Christmas and I don't think either of us could be happier unless Brian was home. Rak has his huge back yard to play in the 18* weather, and I have my house to keep. A fair warning, leaving your house closed up for 3 months will lead to LOTS of dust. And the word 'lots' doesn't even really begin to describe it.

Humm...what else is going on? Oh, my belly finally 'popped'. This is a huge deal for all newly preggos, especially us first timers who have no idea how tired of having a belly we will be by the time 40 weeks rolls around.  Need proof?

18 Weeks

It only took me 18 weeks to start 'showing'. It still only really shows in maternity clothes, but it is still something, and finally looks like a baby belly rather than a spare tire and 15 extra pounds. I have also started to feel my Rafi girl move in the past few days! Still nothing from the outside, yet, but I do feel her swimming around when I lay down. Hopefully her daddy will be able to feel her from the outside by the time he gets home.

I can't believe this pregnancy is already 1/2 way done. I'll be 19 weeks pregnant this Wednesday. Wow. I'm still down about 9lbs from my pre-preg weight which is mind boggling with the way I eat constantly and the sheer fact I am BIGGER. Strange. I have my big anatomy scan this month (the 19th) so lets all keep our fingers cross that Miss Rafi is still a girl. haha

Now I will go and spare you any more rambling about my pregnancy. Maybe I'll come up with something more interesting to blog about later. :) Maybe food? Who wants a recipe for  yummy enchiladas?

Until tomorrow. If you're still there.


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