Opinions are like buttholes... (Part I)

 Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Everyone has one and they normally stink.

I was going to come in here and update you all on the little goings-on in my life. Things like we might be moving to Georgia shortly before or after the birth of Baby Latch, that my 1st ultrasound is next week, and the most exciting, I got a stop mail date (for mailing things to Brian) today. But, then the human race was gracious enough to show their ugly side once again and gave me the perfect blog topic.

In the past 12 weeks of being pregnant, or well maybe more like the 8 or so I've know I was pregnant I have gotten more advice than I care to even mention. It seems everyone has an opinion on what a pregnant woman should and shouldn't do, as well as an opinion on how said pregnant woman should or should not raise her child once the little bean is born. 

I never knew people were so opinionated on how *I* should raise *MY* child.

Don't get me wrong, some advice, tips, or pointers are more than welcome. Some however, is like Great Aunt Gertrude who just won't leave your house; most unwelcome. For those of you who are not or have never been pregnant, just brace yourself. Moms, and even moms-to-be who are further along in pregnancy than you, and heck, even people who aren't pregnant/have never been, have opinions about EVERYTHING. Anything from if you should get meds while in labor, how you catch your baby's crap (disposable vs. cloth), if you should circumcise your son, if its safe to use a bumper in said son's crib, if you should co-sleep or not, if formula really is just as good as the boob, you name it, someone is passionate about it.

Now don't get me wrong. I think its fine that everyone has opinions. I have opinions, you have opinions. That is fine. They are all valid. Only problem is that sometimes other people just don't care what that opinion is. Sometimes keeping your opinion to yourself unless asked is the best option. Voicing your opinion on your blog is fine. Posting it on someone else's blog, not such a good idea. Actually, I'm going to be more specific about that. Its not so much voicing yours that is the issue, its belittling or talking down to someone else because of theirs is the issue. 

I've come to the conclusion that most of the time people find it near offensive when you take a different view than theirs and it actually works for you. That could mean they love disposable diapers and think cloth is redonkulose. When you tell them you plan on cloth diapering they look at you like not only are you an idiot, proceed to make gaging noises, and faces that make you wonder if they happen to have Tourettes syndrome. It really isn't cute. Then if you happen to be someone who is currently cloth diapering and it is actually working for you just fine, they are on the verge of being offended.  Same goes with if you put your child in their crib from day one, or the opposite, you had your child sleep with you from day one. You will always be wrong to someone. 

I'm pretty much at the point now where I'm considering not telling anyone what Brian and I plan to do after our baby is born. Not because I truly care what anyone thinks about our plans, but because I really just don't want to hear it. I especially hate when I get opinions on subjects that I know the person talking to me is uneducated on. 

I guess I'll wrap this up by saying this. What should you take from this? Have your opinions, they are valid but don't forget that other people have their own which are just as valid.

I just made the decision that this basic topic/stream of thought is going to be expounded over a series of posts. Stay tuned for follow up posts about; why new moms are allowed opinions too, why maybe you shouldn't follow granny's teething remedy and other advice, what cloth diapers really are now days, and many other things. Consider this post your primer.

Until tomorrow. If you're still there.

8 comments:

sarabug November 10, 2010 at 8:45 PM  

This is pretty much why I stopped blogging or updating about our project. I don't want anyone to know when I get pregnant because I don't want their opinions!

You're gonna be a great mommy. <3 you!

Laura86 November 10, 2010 at 8:54 PM  

I LOVE this blog!! Well put, and things I know I have been thinking so several years now. I firmly believe that to each their own. I wish I'd educated myself better when I was pregnant with Wyatt, but had so many people telling me what was right and what I should do. No one is right or wrong. It's all each individual style, preference, etc. Again, to each their own! I never cloth diapered, but I think it's an awesome thing! Why people feel the need to pressure and be-little I will never understand =(

Morgan L November 10, 2010 at 9:12 PM  

Sara- As long as you keep ME updated were all good! You know I'm praying and rooting for you and M. <3 You too!

Laura- I feel the same way. People can be just downright hateful sometimes. All because you don't agree with them! How mature right? Your a fantastic mommy though and proof that everything always works out for the best even when people are coming at you from 40 different ways!

sarah November 10, 2010 at 9:13 PM  

I've been wondering this for ages, and please please do not take this in the wrong way, because its sincerely meant in geniune curiousity - my surgeon had me sign a piece of paper saying I can't get pregnant for 18 to 24 months after surgery ... whats your surgeon's take on pregnancy after surgery? Are they okay with it? How are they handling the pregnancy, from a WLS stand-point?

Jillian November 10, 2010 at 10:37 PM  

I used to get this a lot with my kids. The bottom line is as you know, raise them the way you want to raise them. I think I am the most unconventional parents and I'm sure some of my methods of doing things or how I did things when they were infants would make some people's heads spin. But,it worked for me and my husband, so even though it wasn't another persons idea of the "right" thing to do, its not their kid. Taking care of a baby is a very personal thing in my opinion, and nobody had the right to say you are doing something the wrong way. I know you know all this already, but reading your post is bringing back memories of when I was pregnant and getting all the advice I didn't want. A good example is my husband and I decided not to breast feed, it was our personal choice not to and we had our reasons. But telling anyone else, I really put myself on the firing line, and having to hear lectures on why I had to breastfeed in their opinion, and I just didn't want to hear it. I have no problem with breast feeding, and I commend those who do it, but we made the very personal choice not to do it. I was called horrible names for making this choice, and was told I am a horrible mother who didn't care about my kids. I love my kids so much and I think I am a darn good mother, so how dare anyone judge me or try to belittle me only because of where my baby was getting their nutrition from. Anyway, didn't mean to ramble on. Where in GA might you be moving to? We are at Fort Stewart.

Morgan L November 11, 2010 at 6:52 AM  

Sarah- It was recommended that you wait a year after WLS to get pregnant, but obviously that didn't happen. lol Crazy things happen when your husband comes home from deployment for 2 weeks R&R, over a month early, last moment. Haha!

So far so good. I've actually been in Texas away from my surgeon since getting pregnant, but my OB is on top of things. In my experience, so far, it really makes next to no difference in your pregnancy post-op. Yeah you have try and get in as much as you can (you cant only eat 600 calories) and take your vitamins, but at the end of the day, the baby gets what it needs even if it means you don't get what you need. I still probably eat between 1200-1400 calories a day (and keep in mind just being pregnant burns about 300 a day),so its not like I had to start stuffing myself. Before I had surgery my surgeon told me he had plenty of girls/ladies come in only a few months after surgery pregnant and they all had healthy babies. My next appointment with him is in January, so we'll see what he says. lol

If you were to get pregnant, what would your surgeon do? Send you to your room with no dinner? lol I've heard a lot of WLS patients say that they had to agree to terms like that and I never really understood it. Sometimes things happen that are a bit out of your control ya know?

Feel free to ask anything you want! I'm an open book. It would take a lot to offend me. :) We are all in this together and have to learn from one another.

Oh and I guess I should add, I made it to my surgeons goal before getting pregnant. Not my goal, but my surgeons. And honestly if I never make it to mine I'm okay. At 5'8 a size 10-12 is pretty normal and comfortable ya know?

Jillian- I totally agree. I would never flame a mom for her choices as long as she wasn't pulling a Michael Jackson and hanging her child over a balcony. And...STEWART!!! We have projected orders there. Of course, my husband is out on a mission and has NO IDEA yet. We'll have to talk about it before we descried to really go because of the whole deployment schedule. The unit he's 'supposed' to go to got home last month, and with him not due home until Jan/Feb it might mess things up since his current unit is projected to be home for at least 20months. You know how that goes. lol I'll keep you updated.

Jillian November 12, 2010 at 4:21 PM  

I hope you do come to Stewart! I need a WLS friend! All my WLS friends I know online. I really need someone to hang out with,and go out to dinner/lunch with. And of course join me on some of my many Starbucks trips. I hope you guys do come here, that would be awesome! A whole brigade came home last month, and my husband comes home in 3 weeks or so. The whole division isn't deploying again for another 2-3 years, so he would have the same stabilization if you guys stayed there or came here. If you guys do come here, know that you will have a friend, and I can show you around and help you with whatever you need. Also, after the baby is born and your ready to hit the streets running again, there is a 5k race almost every weekend in Savannah. Savannah is beautiful, and romantic. Me and my husband have so much planned out in Savannah for when he gets back. Well, it seems like I am rambling again. Hope you guys do make the move here.

Morgan L November 13, 2010 at 9:16 AM  

Thanks so much Jillian!! I'm really excited about it, and even more happy to hear about their time home seeming like it will line up with ours. I was super nervous about that!

I will have a lot of questions for you as it gets closer. My biggest worry is housing!

I'm so excited now!!! I can't wait to meet you in real life!!!

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