I'm done making plans.

 Tuesday, November 16, 2010

I've come to this same realization many times over the course of my life. I have always known that really my plans don't matter. I make plans, and God laughs. That, however, never really stopped me from jumping right back into the drivers seat when I got uncomfortable. I'm on my way, or well trying, to change that once again.

I feel like I've been at a crossroads for awhile when it comes to my relationship with God. Nothing has really been 'wrong' but I've known that there had to be something more. This couldn't simply be all that there was. Going to church should be something I WANT to do. I should feel called to be there, and feel God while I'm there. It shouldn't just be some ritual I preform one hour a week. I shouldn't be showing up just to get my 'check mark' for being there. I should be there not just physically, but emotionally and spiritually as well.


I don't know exactly how Brian feels about all of this, but if I had to guess, I'd say he is probably at the same point as I am. Or at least at some form of a crossroads himself. Maybe this is just a point that all young adults get to.

I am glad I'm here though. It shows me that I do have a desire for God and that I'm not okay with simply being lukewarm about my faith or relationship with God. 

So with not only my salvation and spiritual health on the line, but that of my unborn child, and to a lesser extent (or maybe greater than I know?), that of my husbands. I'm declaring myself on a spiritual journey. I have no idea where this journey will lead me, but I've made one plan, and that is that their is no plan. I am going to be open and receptive to whatever God wants to show me. This means I will attend different churches, even those of other denominations than my given one of Catholicism. If this journey leads me back to the Catholic church, then great, if not, that is fine too. I'm making no plans and only have one goal. That goal is to experience God in my every day life. 

Someone I know who is very wise said that "it isn't about religion, it is about the relationship." I have to say I totally agree. 

So I'm telling you all this to hold myself accountable. I can't keep doing the same thing and expect to get different results. So I'm off to change things, or let God change them for me.

And now I'll leave you with some good lyrics. 
Tonight by Jeremy Camp.

In this time,
I know I need to be more broken
Then I find, I feel this passion grow
To face all that’s been lost
It’s not too late to give control now
I don’t know why I wait
You’re always calling me

Tonight, I will take my cross
Tonight, I will count this cost
Tonight, I will realize to take hold of this very moment
Until tomorrow. If you're still there. 


Dayle November 16, 2010 at 8:09 PM  

Great post! I'm totally at a similar point in my life right now. Good luck on your journey! I love reading your blog, Morgan :)

Teenage Bride November 17, 2010 at 10:06 AM  

Amazing heartfelt post. A relationship with God is very personal. I wish you luck. Stay faithful!!

Laura86 November 17, 2010 at 11:43 PM  

Great blog, Morgan! I agree whole heartedly with the quote about it not being about religion but the relationship. I walked away from God and church for a period of about 6 years. I'd never felt so empty in my entire life. I had this earning in my heart to get my spiritual and physical life back on track and I knew that I could only do that with the help of God. Place my life in his hands, all of my trust, everything! We finally stepped out of our comfort zone and started trying out new churches. I grew up Nondenominational and we actually attend a Baptist church now. Never thought I would go to a Baptist church, because it wasn't how I was raised. But they are Bible believing and amazing! It feels like a family, it's warm, and I've never been happier. I'm so happy that I've introduced church and Jesus to my boys, it's so very important. I commend you for stepping out on this journey. I will be praying for you!

Ps. I LOVE Jeremy Camp!!

lilmissbelle November 19, 2010 at 10:31 AM  

Such a wonderful blog post, beautiful girl! I am glad that God has brought you to this crossroads, and I pray that you will allow Him to lead you through it! Little Baby Latch will be so very loved and so very lucky to have two wondeful parents who want nothing more than his eternal salvation! I hope and I know that God will lead you where He wants you, and this is the most important thing :)

Caitlin Alanna Elizabeth Anne

Ps- I LOVE Jeremy Camp, too!

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